![]() ![]() "I bet you say that to all the girls," replies Rayne, along with absolutely everyone watching this movie, in various different tones of sighing inevitability. "I've never seen anyone move like you do," he tells her. Luckily, the leader of La Resistance, whose name is Nathaniel, is slightly better informed than his partners, Vasyl and Magda. ![]() Rayne declines, and the guy with the gun dials down his request to merely "Don't cause trouble!" It's an odd request for the sword-wielding woman with blood dribbling from her lips and piles of dead Nazis at her feet, but one that turns out to be an acceptable middle-ground. They demand she gives up her incredibly fake-looking swords. Rayne emerges from the train only to end up with a face full of guns, as it becomes clear that La Resistance has absolutely no idea who the hell she is. He could simply shoot her at any point from almost point-blank range, but instead he opts to keep tippy-toeing around. Behind her, unnoticed, a German guard has survived the massacre, and somehow walked right past La Resistance to get into the train, and is sneaking onto the scene, side-arm in hand. It's about being the clumsiest piece of staging I have ever seen in an action movie. "The last thing this is about is honour." "And who shall I say has the honour of besting me today," he asks, which seems a little self-defeating when he still has a knife. Rayne seizes the initiative and pursues their commanding officer into a train car, where he quite clearly swings a metal bar down for her to catch in her hands and twirl a bit in front of him. Thanks to the power of clumsy editing though, everyone is soon dealt with. ![]() The Germans barely even seem to notice her, even when they could simply shoot her from behind, and opt to concentrate their attention on La Resistance instead. She's only on screen for about two seconds, but that's plenty of time to burst out laughing at both her incredibly silly little hat, and the realisation that as far as this film is concerned, Rayne's actress is little more than her own cleavage's costume. Rayne herself runs in across the top of the train and. Knowing that these sets and actors were doing double-duty in a film called Blubberella doesn't do much for the sinister atmosphere here, though it's quickly broken as La Resistance shows up with explosives and automatic weapons to seize control of the train. In case you weren't aware, Rayne fills us in on the fact the Nazi regime wasn't a particularly pleasant one, ending with a declaration of "Fucking Nazis." that carries all the emotional weight of "I broke a nail." Needless to say, that's a terrible name, so it's not surprising that it snaps back to simply "The Third Reich" for the title sequence-an opening that starts on a cheery note by replaying the rape of Rayne's mother back in the 1700s, followed by about five straight minutes of prisoners in trains being taken to a concentration camp. My rental copy of this calls the movie BloodRayne 3: The Blood Reich. Shocking precisely nobody, critics responded about as well to all of them as if Boll had personally shat on their chocolate cake and handed them a fork. Filming in Croatia, he churned out three different movies: this one, a straight historical piece called Auschwitz (opens in new tab), which is a mix of interviews with schoolkids and One Day In The Life of Ivan Denisovich, and - just in case you thought he might be turning over a respectable leaf - a parody of BloodRayne 3, with Rayne swapped out in favour of a fat superheroine called Blubberella (opens in new tab). The only proper reaction is to shake your head and sigh "Oh, Uwe." Yes, it's an offensive joke, but only in the same way as a drunk hobo bellowing obscenities from a bench. For instance, he appears as himself in the Postal movie as the owner of a German theme park, announcing "my movies are funded with Nazi gold" and paying people in gold teeth. He's tried to compensate by ramping up his own personal level of crazy, from challenging reviewers to boxing matches (unless they actually had combat experience) to appearing on screen, but mostly with stuff that just comes across as a little bit sad. The problem is the more Boll's done, the more he's moved from making entertaining turkeys to just plain boring movies.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |